Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing that's all there is, in an abstract way I feel something but it's all in the head, not in the heart, not in the soul. The soul is tired, the soul is lonely, the soul wants a traveling companion and there are none.
https://youtu.be/4x1R50zNV1I


I am at the end of the road and I can't wait anymore, I don't want to wait anymore. i think the only thing keeping me here is April not being settled. She doesn't have a job and there doesn't seem to be one on the horizon.

I have a decent life, an apartment in a neighborhood I always wanted to live in. And the possibility  of having a life I want, not really much but more than I've had in a long while. Whenever I write something like this, there is an urge to put a positive spin on it. Maybe this time I'll just let this hang there and see what happens.

My soul has decided to stay safe or at least that's what I think. It's not sure it can recover and survive another disappointment another heartbreak so it's playing it safe until it can figure out how to live again. I don't blame it, we've been through some shit these last couple of years. people who were suppose to have our back, most definitely  didn't, not that I was surprised. It would have been nice to have been wrong this time.So, what do I do, give my soul a kick in the ass or try to coax it out? I don't want to live this way anymore? it's not living, it's existing and I want more.

Take it one small step at a time until living becomes a habit, becomes real

I wish I knew if this inability to do anything was physical or mental. Then I would know what to do. Sometimes it hurts so much just to think so I sit here and do nothing. Things are going well for me but I just can't move. Need to make one small step and then another and another

                                      

The top photo is from today, the others from yesterday, what a difference a day makes. One of the good things about living in this city is things get back to normal pretty fast. I don't have to go to work until Tuesday and by then the snoww will be just and inconvenience. This is the first day when I don't have to have a light on in my apartment, the snow is reflecting so much  sunlight. The classical music station is playing, my tea is ready, it's a good day.