Out of myself

I need to get out of myself, to connect to people, to start living again. My life is getting smaller. There are so many things that I used to do that I just don't bother with. No real reason, just don't feel like it. I think that I am trying to protect myself but if this is what it is like to be safe, I'd rather be in pain because I lived. One reason I know that I don't feel is there is a lot of anger in me that I'm leery of letting out. So I need to find a safe way of dealing with it.

Favorite places

North Wildwood, NJ  one of my favorite places in the whole world

and this is my other favorite place in the world

Some place to empty my head

I need a place where I can come and empty my head. At times there are so many thought and feelings going round and round inside of me that it is hard to think. Sometimes it hurts to think. If i can put these thoughs and fellings out into the world, I can usually see my way clear.

So, the first one is that I kind of hate my family, well maybe not hate but I don't like them very much. They are not happy people. They are very invested in seeing life as a negative, with no joy. i don't believe that all of life is a bed of roses but I do believe that it is sweet with many beautiful moments both large and small.